A Simple Question
by ClockRepair
Summary: A young Itachi's life is screwed over by a series of questions asked by an even younger Sasuke. Warning for Itachi OOC-ness. COMPLETE!
1. And So It Begins

**ClockRepair Message: **I was bored and came up with this. I'm sorry if I caused any brain cells to malfunction and die. By the way, this is **not yaoi. **

"Big brother, what does it feel like when you're in love?"

It was a simple question but had several different answers and it left Itachi completely speechless. To make sure his ears weren't deceiving him Itachi turned around and looked at his younger sibling. Sasuke was sitting at a table resting his head on his fist which was tightly clenched around a pen. He was supposed to be doing his homework but it was obvious there were other things on the little Uchiha's mind.

"I'm sorry Sasuke. I can't answer your question right this moment. I'm very busy tending to Anbu related business."

It was a total lie but Itachi thought his naïve five year old brother wouldn't be able to tell the difference. What was he doing anyways, pondering over such trivial nonsense? However, Itachi's response made Sasuke's eyes narrow.

"You know, mom said it was a bad habit to fib. You don't even have an Anbu mission for another whole week!"

_Okay, _thought Itachi. _Maybe he's not as gullible as I originally believed. _

After some more awkward silence accompanied by the intense stare he was receiving Itachi sighed and motioned Sasuke to come over. Sasuke, satisfied that he was finally getting a proper reply, ran over to his brother only to get poked on the forehead by Itachi's two bony fingers.

"Ow! What was that for?"

Ignoring the complaint Itachi knelt down to get to eye level and said in a serious tone, "Love cannot be summed up in a few short words. The way people feel about one another is different for everyone and all you can do is follow your instincts. For example, there are many types of love and nowadays the word is easily thrown around to emphasize someone's adoration. Like how you love tomatoes. It's not the same feeling as the way you love a family member is it? And that feeling isn't the same type of love you feel for another person. But do tell me, Sasuke, why the sudden interest in love? You're awfully young to be thinking about such matters."

"Well, I'm just curious that's all."

By the look of his flushed cheeks that wasn't the case and Itachi was running out of patience.

"Like you said earlier, fibbing is a bad habit. Now, tell me what's on your mind or else I'll be taking my leave."

Itachi took a couple of steps towards the door to prove his point.

"No, no! Wait!"

"Yes…?"

Sasuke's face and ears turned an exceptional dark shade of red but he gathered up all of his courage and confessed.

"Well, since I've started attending the Academy all the girls have been acting really…_weird_." Right then and there Itachi knew what his brother was going through. "They've been giving me flowers at recess, following me around after school and I can't even read a passage from the text without causing a chain reaction of dreamy sighs! I didn't know what to do so I told mother-"

_Holy crap! _Itachi thought in horror. _You didn't!_

"-and she said that's what girls did when they were in love with you. She also said that I should be polite to girls if I like them back or not. But I don't know if I can return their feelings. I don't even know what love feels like."

Itachi was quite surprised with his mother's civilized answer. When he was younger and came to his mother with a similar situation, she just rambled on and on about safe sex. But remembering the fact that Itachi, at the time, was only eight years old she had to go back and explain what sex was in the first place. It was true what some people said about the first child being the trial and error experiment. _Clearly_ Mikoto Uchiha had said the wrong thing to her eldest son so she carefully constructed a right answer for her youngest child. And to think the majority of the Uchiha clan wondered why Itachi preferred not to socialize with others.

"Sasuke, firstly, I would like to mention how the feelings those girls have for you is not love. Those girls and _you_ for the matter are too young and immature to fully understand such a complex concept. Even if love has no boundaries in age there is a limit. You and the other children at the Academy are only five. They only think they're in love with you but in reality it's merely infatuation."

By the look on his brother's face Itachi's vocabulary was too big.

"In Layman's term, what I'm saying is that they don't _love_ you, they _like_ you. They just have those two feelings confused."

"But why?"

"…what?"

"But why do girls like me?"

Itachi wanted to hit himself with a shuriken. Why did little kids have to ask so many damn questions?

"It's because you're cute."

Wow, _that_ didn't sound odd at all. But he couldn't help it; the words just came stumbling out of his mouth.

"I-I-I'm _what_?!"

Itachi let out another sigh. Might as well let him know at an early age so he could prepare for what was in store for him.

"Yes, little brother it's sad but true. You have the grave misfortune of having a rather adorable face, big, round eyes and quite and unusual hairstyle which suits you. And when you're older and go through puberty your shoulders will get broader, you'll grow taller, your voice will lower to a nice deeper tone and as a ninja you will train your body until it's rippling with muscles. Very much like me. And in the future, many girls will chase after you and pine for your attention. Now if you don't mind, this is getting uncomfortable. Farewell, Sasuke, I've spontaneously decided to accept any random or mundane task the Hokage is willing to assign me."

And then he left leaving Sasuke more puzzled then ever. After all, Sasuke didn't even know what puberty was. Looked like he had to ask his mom again because Itachi didn't seem capable enough to handle the pressure from one simple question.


	2. Death

**ClockRepair Message: **This chapter isn't as funny as the first one, in my opinion, but it was on my computer for the longest time so I thought that some of you would get a good laugh. Do you think I should make this story into a series? Tell me your opinions and possible story ideas!

Itachi was having a horrible week and the source for his bad luck was currently being piggy-backed back to their compound.

"So they wouldn't let you go back to work, Itachi-niisan?"

_That's right little brother and it's all your fault_ Itachi thought bitterly. But Itachi couldn't put all the blame on Sasuke since _he_ was the one who had a nervous breakdown in front of the Third Hokage.

Ever since Itachi had been promoted to Anbu Captain the Hokage worried if Itachi was becoming overworked. He was starting to doubt his fears until the thirteen year old burst into his office pleading for work, any work at all! (Itachi had obviously left Sasuke after their awkward brotherly discussion about love and puberty).

It only took a few moments before Itachi realized how stupid he must've looked and proceeded to recompose himself but the damage had been done. The Third got the impression that Itachi was suffering from some emotional imbalance and ordered that Itachi would be denied of all work for a month, no matter how trivial the task or low-rank the mission. This meant that the Uchiha genius was on vacation for the first time _ever _and had lot of free time to himself.

Itachi was angry at first but then he figured that the only person more distraught by the punishment was Fugaku who thought his son's suspension from his ninja duties should not have been based on some random mood swings expressed before the Hokage. After all, Itachi was an Uchiha and Uchihas don't "freak out", they merely "displayed repressed emotions all at once". Seemed like emotional constipation ran in the family…

Itachi was momentarily scarred at the thought of his backed-up clan when Sasuke's weight seemed to shift on his back.

"Sasuke, what are you doing? Do you want me to drop you?"

"But there's a dog following us…"

Looking over his shoulder, Itachi could confirm that there was a dog following them.

"It's fine; it won't hurt us if we just ignore it."

"You know, today in class, Kiba was really sad. He said that one of his new puppies died and, well, I was just wondering…"

Oh-Oh no…Itachi could feel it in his bones. Sasuke was about to-!

"Big brother, what happens when you die?"

Itachi could feel another panic attack coming on. Why did his little brother have to pick the most depressing topic in the world and make it sound so _innocent_? Itachi was a ninja. Their family consisted of ninja. Sasuke was learning to become a ninja. Ninjas cause death! Itachi was obviously not qualified to answer such a question. But it wasn't like there was anyone else to help him out. They were walking through a forest.

_This isn't fair! _Itachi mentally screamed. _Why did I have to agree to help Sasuke train?!_

"Well, there are many theories to that concept. Looking at it spiritually, some say that someone never truly dies because of Reincarnation. It's the process when the soul outlives its physical being so it is reborn in a new body."

Sasuke gasped. "Wow, that's so cool!"

Itachi didn't believe in the ridiculous idea of someone's soul being recycled but whatever would ease Sasuke into reality was a good enough answer for now.

"Wait, does that mean I can become dog or a cow or a pig or something after I die?"

The mutt behind them started to bark like it was giving its input into the conversation.

"If Reincarnation is true then it is possibe."

Itachi was expecting another excited gasp but the response he received was the complete opposite

"That's horrible! We eat pigs and cows and stuff. Doesn't that mean that someone's going to eat me?"

_Oh shit. _

"There are other theories based on those assumptions. It's said that if organisms don't have control over what they become after their rebirth they shouldn't eat other animals because they could be eating their lover in their former life."

"_What_?!" Sasuke jumped off Itachi and ran back to the dog. "There was a chance that I _ate_ my _wife_?!"

"Sasuke, please stop crying."

Itachi could have punched himself right there. Why did he lack the talent of consoling children?

He was also going to mention that Sasuke should also stop hugging the dog because they didn't know if it had its shots but for the first time that day, he decided to keep his comment to himself.

Universe: 2

Itachi: 0


	3. Grounded

Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Unbeknownst to the village, the great Uchiha genius was not only suspended from his Anbu duties but also grounded. Itachi had never related to other 13 year old boys until now and he really hated it.

It all began yesterday when Itachi had a long and difficult time getting Sasuke to leave the stray dog alone (after the whole Reincarnation thing) so he took drastic measures: he used genjutsu on his own little brother. Now for anyone who thought this was a little inhumane is forgetting that, as a ninja, Itachi really didn't care. He had performed several intricate genjutsus on other ninjas before so one simple, harmless knock-out would be alright. And if Sasuke could forget the little incident between him and the dog then Itachi could possibly go home without being beaten to death by his mother. After a couple of hands signs, Sasuke was out like a light and Itachi could take him home before anyone could suspect a thing.

Too bad things don't always go as planned.

After some poking and prodding (since Sasuke seemed to be unconscious for longer than usual) Itachi got his little brother to wake up. And just in time for dinner. Fugaku was suspiciously watching his son as Sasuke was complaining about dizziness and a slight headache but he brushed it off as fatigue from training. Meanwhile, Itachi was sitting between the two holding his breath. He wasn't off the hook yet.

To make sure Sasuke wasn't traumatized by the earlier event, Itachi casually slipped in the topic of pets into his family's conversation and he breathed a sigh of relief when Sasuke didn't react. Although Itachi did earn himself a few odd looks from his parents. For one, Itachi never spoke at meals. He refrained from speaking period. The last time Fugaku and Mikoto heard his voice is when Sasuke accidently set his pants on fire in the kitchen (but that's a different story). Second, when did Itachi have a sudden interest in little animals?

As he observed the strange glances he was receiving from his parents, Itachi decided he needed to work on his acting. He was behaving way out of character. But at that point, it wasn't important. He could finally eat his meal in peace without worrying about his parents finding out how he manipulated his little brother.

Unfortunately for Itachi, karma was a bitch.

The Uchihas finished their appetizers so Mikoto brought out the main course, a stuffed turkey, when all hell broke loose.

"_NO! DON'T EAT HER! I STILL LOVE HER!_"

"Dear, get off the turkey! You're getting your clothes dirty!"

"ITACHI! What happened at training today?!"

"_I'M NEVER GOING TO FIND LOVE!"_

There was no way Itachi could cover this up.

* * *

Now Itachi was currently lying on his rarely used bed, staring at the ceiling with glazed eyes.

Being on missions, he didn't spend that much time at home so his room didn't have much personality. The walls were painted a plain white and his room was quite basic. There was a bed, there was an empty closet, there was a work desk in the corner and there was a clock hanging on the wall slowly ticking away.

_I don't know how average kids do this _thought Itachi. _However, average kids probably have stuff in their rooms to entertain themselves in these kinds of situations…_

Itachi looked around the empty room again before groaning into his pillow. It was going to be a long day.

One hour passed…

Then two…

Then three…

Uninteresting fact: Itachi found his mother was storing her beauty supplies in the work desk.

Interesting fact: Itachi was so bored he proceeded to paint his nails for the next hour. (He would never admit to the fact that he enjoyed it.)

"Itachi-niisan," said a muffled voice. It was obviously Sasuke on the other side of the door. "Can I come in?"

"Just a moment." Itachi quickly closed the bottle of (Midnight Sky) nail polish, tossed the bottle in the container with the other spa supplies and shoved it all under his bed. And without chipping a single nail. Impressive. "You may come in now."

When Sasuke entered the room he didn't once make eye contact with his older brother. For a few awkward moments, Itachi just sat on his bed staring at his brother in guilt while Sasuke was staring at the floor. Finally, Sasuke broke his silence.

"Itachi-niisan," he mumbled. "I…I'm sorry about getting you in trouble. I didn't mean to cause a scene over that turkey. I don't know what came over me." Sasuke found the courage to look at his brother again and asked, "Can you ever forgive me?"

Itachi didn't reply but motioned him to come over so Sasuke slowly climbed onto the bed and sat beside his brother. Instead of the proper response Sasuke was hoping for, he got poked in the forehead by Itachi's two bony fingers (again).

"Aw, why do you always have to do that?" cried Sasuke, rubbing his forehead.

"Why do you have to fall for it every time?" chuckled Itachi but his smile smile dropped.

"Sasuke, listen, I should be the one apologizing. I'm the older sibling and I should have…"

_Gave a real answer about death? Shut my mouth? Thought about the consequences before deciding to experiment genjutsu on family? Have better communication skills with my parents? Put on another coat of nail polish? _Boy, Itachi's list of mistakes went on forever…

"I should have known better. Trust me Sasuke; I'm being punished for a reason. It wasn't your fault at all so don't worry."

"So does this mean that you're not mad at me?"

"How could I ever be mad at you?" Itachi said, ruffling Sasuke's hair. "Besides, I'm glad you came in. I've been so bored. I'll do anything to pass the time."

"_Anything?_" asked Sasuke. For some unknown reason, Itachi didn't like Sasuke's tone of voice or the hopeful expresion he had on his face.

"Yeah, I guess…why? What did you have in mind?"

"Well, mother and father are both out so," Sasuke pulled a letter from his back pocket and showed it to Itachi. "Can you come to my parent/teacher interview today? It's actually in twenty minutes so we'll have to hurry if we're going to make it in time!"

Itachi covered his face and fell over.

This was not going to be good…


	4. Back to School

**ClockRepair Message: **I'm sorry for the delayed update. There were exams, that's all I can say. Anyways, here's the next chapter. I wrote the whole thing last night by pen and paper and just uploaded it today. I know there are a few plot holes with my story as people have pointed out and I promise I'll fix them when the series is over (whenever that is). Thanks for the wonderful reviews, alerts and favourites! Enjoy the fourth chapter!

* * *

As a person with the role of a total teenage bad-ass Itachi felt obligated to make a dramatic entrance as he and Sasuke approached The Academy. There were rare occasions where Itachi felt like he needed to show off his power and authority but looking at the tough situation he was in, he needed the confidence boost. His ego's existence depended on it. Especially after the major tongue-lashing he'd gotten from his mother about using genjutsu on his brother while his father just stood there in the background unable to help his eldest son. No matter how manly a man thought he was, there was nothing that could bring him down to his knees faster then a disappointed or upset mother. In Fugaka's case it was a disappointed and upset wife. _They_ were even worse.

Itachi was trying to go for the whole cool and aloof look but the fact that he was still piggy-backing Sasuke made the task pretty difficult to accomplish. When he tried to put his younger sibling down before they entered, Sasuke had the audacity to growl and bite Itachi in the back of the neck! So Itachi had to go in with Sasuke still perched on his back. The reaction the two brothers received wasn't exactly what Itachi had wanted. Women and mothers cooed over the sight of their brotherly love…

"Oh, look at his cute, little haircut! It kind of reminds me of a duck butt."

"What a sweet, little boy!"

"The older one is pretty sweet too!" growled a young, single mother. How inappropriate.

…men and fathers belonging to common ninja families were awestruck by the presence of the famous Uchiha clan…

"Look! It's Itachi, the Anbu Captain!"

"I'd never thought I'd be able to see an Uchiha up close," a man said before letting out a loud yelp. "Ow! Hey, why did you slap me?"

"'See an Uchiha up close.' You make him sound like some circus freak. Show him more respect!"

"Hey, is he wearing nail polish? How emo…"

…and parents belonging to prestigious ninja clans, who actually took the time to attend such a trivial conference, did nothing but act cold and indifferent since they got the same treatment before. Hyuuga Hiashi was doing a fairly good job acting like he didn't care.

_What crawled up his ass and died? _thought Itachi as the Hyuuga leader seemed to be analyzing Sasuke with a smug smirk but quickly sent him a harsh glare as if he read Itachi's mind. Itachi was about to send an equally nasty look when he felt a warm breath on his ear. It was Sasuke.

"Where are all of the other kids, big brother?"

Scanning the hallway, Itachi noted that there were a lot of adults waiting to be interviewed but no kids.

_Goddammit, are bringing the kids optional?_

"Excuse me, but where are the children?" Itachi politely asked the nearest person, who happened to be a teenage girl who turned into a blushing mess under Itachi's gaze. _Hn, how annoying. _

"All of the kids are in a separate room and the teacher will call them in when their parent or guardian goes in for their conference. But they usually don't ask the children to attend the meeting unless they're bad in school."

"If you don't mind answering, where is that room?"

The girl's face turned a tad darker and Itachi couldn't help but wonder if she was going to faint. "Down the hall and three doors to the left." Itachi thanked the girl and headed towards the proper room giving her the freedom to giggle with her circle of friends.

"I think she likes you," Sasuke said quietly, not in a teasing manner but in observation.

"Yeah, I know. I'd prefer it if she liked someone else," he muttered under his breath. _She was a few years older then me anyways, that underage cougar._

* * *

It was on this day that Itachi realized he could never play the role of a father but forever live his life as a wandering (possibly asexual) bachelor. He figured it would be a better choice to stay in the kids' waiting room to keep an eye on Sasuke rather then endure a whole hallway of people staring at him because of his high levels of awesome (besides, attempting to stare back at a hundred set of eyes at the same time would make Itachi go cross-eyed and therefore, appear uncool). But he quickly regretted his choice when he saw how stressful it was to be around young adolescents all under the age of twelve aspiring to become shinobi. They were major brats!

It was embarrassing enough when a timid, little girl with a bowl-cut went up to him and asked him if he was male or female but it was even worse when some kid with a receding hairline sneaked behind him (Itachi was leaning against a wall for God's sake) and tried to cut off his ponytail! Itachi was aggravated but had to give the squirt some credit because if Itachi had not been more alert, he would have left the building with six inches missing from his head. The first two kids had tested his patience but when a trio of seniors - obnoxious twelve year old Academy students – tried to jump him, Itachi had pretty much lost it and threw all of his discipline out the window.

When Iruka-sensei entered the room to inform the Uchiha brothers that it was their turn, Itachi had the trio of preteens cornered with his Sharingan spinning madly in his eyes and a sharpened pencil in each hand ready to stab. You know you're a real ninja when you can use school supplies as a lethal weapon and be taken seriously.

Iruka-sensei was alarmed when he witnessed the scene before him but overlooked the hostile attack when he recognized the three kids as the ones who had placed paper bombs in his desk the day before. They had it coming.

Persuading Itachi to let their childish stunt go, the two preceded with their meeting in Iruka-sensei's office.

"Like I said before Iruka-sensei, I am deeply sorry for my rash and inexcusable actions against three of The Academy's fine students. I am a higher ranked ninja and should have kept calm and be stronger willed then to let my anger get out of control like that." Itachi gave a low bow to the older man to show his respect but Iruka-sensei just felt awkward with all the formalities. "You don't think I traumatized them, do you?" Itachi asked in a slightly curious tone of voice as he got up from his bow.

"No, I wouldn't worry about it too much. When I entered the room most of the kids were too preoccupied with drawing or picking their noses. You forget that the majority of the children in there have the attention span of two seconds. And those kids who jumped you never listened to a single thing I ever said. Now I know they definitely will," laughed Iruka-sensei. "But surely from that encounter you can sympathize with us teachers. Next week we have to educate the older students about sex."

Itachi thought it was some odd joke to get him to socialize until the teacher pulled out a book titled _Puberty: The Pop-Up Version_ to prove him wrong.

Itachi's face, which was usually an unreadable mask, was twisted in disgust as he let out a horrified gasp, "Oh my God!"

"I know. It's going to be a rough week," Iruka-sensei replied, an exhausted expression on his face. He opened the book and there was an erect penis (literally) coming out of the pages. Itachi's eye twitched. He really didn't need to see that but he thanked whatever deity that was out there because his Sharingan was off. If he had to live the rest of his life with _that image_ in the back of his eyelids, he would flip.

Itachi thanked the Gods again when Iruka-sensei closed the pop-up book. "Actually, we need more volunteers to help us with the lesson so if you weren't busy-"

Grateful that this wasn't Sasuke questioning him, Itachi could reject the idea with a guilt-free conscience. "Hell no."

"I knew it was a long shot but you can't blame me for trying. Anyhow, let's get down to business. Truth be told, Sasuke is the model student and there's not much to complain about. But putting academics aside, it is hard to get him to co-operate with others. He's usually by himself and…"

Itachi watched Iruka-sensei rant on but after a few sentences, no words could be heard. Itachi had stopped listening.

_Honestly, I don't know why I bothered coming to this parent/teacher interview when I could have accurately predicted everything he would say. I'm risking my life to attend this meeting; mother might see through my substitution jutsu! If I get a longer grounding or if the Hokage learns about this then I'll never be permitted to participate in another mission again!_

"- and that's about it! Do you have any questions for me?" Itachi shook his head. "Then thank you for your time, Itachi, I'm sure you have a hectic schedule. I have to call in the Hyuugas next."

_Good luck with showing Hiashi that pop-up book. _

The two shinobi walked out of the door and parted ways. Iruka-sensei went around the corner to retrieve Hiashi and Itachi headed off to the kids' waiting room. Itachi opened the door and looked around to see Sasuke speaking to those stupid brats who jumped him earlier. They seemed to be arguing. Pondering over the thought of intervening, Itachi decided against it.

_Sasuke is an Uchiha, he can handle this by himself. And if not I'll stab them with something blunter then pencils to make it more painful. _

"I can _so _do it!" cried Sasuke.

"Then why _don't_ you?" the leader of them said with a sneer. Dumb redhead.

"_Yeah_! Why don't you?" chimed the leader's two lackeys, a pair of twin blond boys.

"Fine, I will!" Sasuke did a hand sign.

_That looked like the horse _Itachi thought. When he saw the second hand sign was the tiger he cursed his father for teaching Sasuke that technique so early.

"Fire Release: Great Fireball Technique!"

Itachi watched helplessly as Sasuke exhaled the chakra gathered up in his chest and released a giant fireball that went across the room and burnt the curtains. The three brats watched in awe and so did Itachi.

Finally snapping out of his daze, Itachi intervened and put out the fire ball and stopped the flames from engulfing the rest of the curtains. But it was too late. The fire alarms and emergency sprinklers had gone off the first moment that there was a hint of smoke.

Iruka-sensei appeared at the door immediately and screamed at all of the little ones to exit the building. One by one the kids filed out of the room, including the three kids who demanded Sasuke to perform the jutsu, leaving the two Uchiha brothers alone.

The only sound that could be heard was the water pouring down, the annoying buzz of the alarm and Iruka-sensei and the other teachers barking orders at everyone to leave.

Sasuke looked at Itachi nervously. His back was turned and the water was making his clothes stick to his body.

"Itachi?" No answer. "B-Big brother?"

Itachi slowly turned his head and Sasuke could see the Sharingan was activated making his brother's gaze scary and intense. His face was hard as his wet hair fell over his face. It was the scariest thing Sasuke had ever seen in the short five years he lived and he literally wet his pants. Not like it mattered anyway, the emergency sprinklers were still going.

"Sasuke," Itachi said quietly.

Sasuke was surprised. His older brother's voice was not frightening at all but tired.

"We are royally screwed."


	5. Bedtime Blues

It took all of Itachi's willpower not to gawk while Sasuke just stared in childish amazement.

"Itachi, can I pet it?"

"No Sasuke, it's not an animal but I can assure you that it _will_ bite."

Of course, our favourite Uchiha brothers were talking about Hyuuga Hiashi. To put it simply, his hair was huge.

Everyone in The Academy was soaked to the bone when the emergency sprinklers went off but when the water made contact with Hiashi's head, the chemicals in his hair went berserk.

It was curly. It was messy. It even moved from side to side in a wild frenzy as he yelled at people to retrieve him a towel. The contrast from his usual look was simply astonishing. After all, who knew the three feet of silky, velvety-smooth hair that the Hyuugas wore oh-so proudly was the product of a lifetime supply of relaxer and hair straightening? And they swore it was due to good genes. Pfft, yeah right. No one's hair was that naturally sleek.

_I don't know what he's complaining about_thought Itachi, who was holding back a huge, not to mention uncharacteristic, grin. _I think the afro suits him. _

"Brother, they're over there!" Averting his gaze to following the direction of Sasuke's pointed finger, Itachi saw the shivering forms of the three mischievous boys.

"Good job, Sasuke. Our targets have been located."

In the middle of the chaos our favourite Uchiha brothers managed to slip out the back entrance and casually merge into the crowd. If it weren't for their part in the accidental fire and the people that could possibly snitch on them, the two would've left for home. With Itachi's impressive skills no one noticed that three boys had gone missing. And, no, Itachi did not assassinate them (it brought up unwanted question if the bodies were found) but brought them all to the side where no one could see or interrupt their "pleasant chat".

At first the trio of brats, eye witnesses to Sasuke's fireball jutsu setting the curtains aflame, were adamant about blackmailing Itachi if he dared to lay one finger on them but their bravado quickly disappeared.

As of late, the Uchiha glare was unbeatable and braver men had lost their resolve after the Uchiha's black eyes spiraled into a dark crimson.

"Listen and listen close," he said seriously. "You probably think you're all clever because you could inform the teachers that my brother started the fire if I hurt you, even threaten to elaborate the story further by saying that he intended to burn down The Academy. But before you three utter another syllable, think this through: how would it look if three troubled Academy students with a record were found peer pressuring a _trusting, innocent, five-year-old_boy to initiate a fire? Iruka-sensei wouldn't be able to overlook this incident, especially when he it could have endangered the lives of his students and their families. And don't forget that he also saw you pestering me prior to our meeting."

Itachi had gotten his point across. The boys broke down into hyperventilating sobs begging for mercy, prompting Sasuke to wonder why he felt the need to impress the older students in the first place.

"Please spare us, sir!" cried the blond twins. Even in desperate times they found a way to speak in sync. Itachi found it kind of creepy.

"My mom will freak if she hears about this!" The ringleader's face was turning a shade of red that rivaled his hair as crocodile tears streamed down his cheeks.

Without any orders from Itachi, once their sniffling ceased the boys made it easier for themselves by confessing to Iruka-sensei.

He gave them two weeks suspension.

Oh the life of a ninja. Destroying the lives of their enemies wherever they go. Let us count the ways: destruction of public property, bringing the person dishonor and possibly getting them disowned from their clan or gang, bodily harm from death battles, psychological trauma and – oh yeah – death! Looking at the options Itachi had at his disposal, a couple of week's worth of punishment was quite generous.

Although it didn't stop the guilt (yes, Itachi felt it too from time to time) from telling him otherwise. His conscience was telling him that it wasn't fair for the brats to take all the blame but when he thought how much time would be added to his "vacation" after nearly burning down a school, he suddenly didn't give a flying damn.

_If I had to spend anymore time in my room I'd go insane. There's nothing to do besides paint my nails and I'd rather not have that become a habit…even if it was entertaining _thought Itachi, lifting his manicured hands to admire his work. Unfortunately, in his haste to leave, Itachi didn't apply a top coat resulting in a broken pinkie nail and three chipped nails on his other hand. _Crap, I wonder if mother would notice if I used anymore of her nail polish…. Now that I look closer I think my toes need some work too._

"It's s-starting to get c-c-cold," chattered Sasuke, unknowingly interrupting his older brother's plans to schedule a mani-pedi.

Itachi tugged on the sleeve of Sasuke's shirt and watched it slowly peel off his brother's skin.

"Your clothes are still damp. As soon as we arrive at the compound I'm going to help you change. Until then, try not to get-"

"ACHOO!"

"-sick."

* * *

It had been a week since Itachi left the confinements of his compound.

Mikoto Uchiha never found out about her sons' adventure to The Academy but, in her exact words, she did order Itachi, "To look after Sasuke since he's mysteriously gotten ill."

Right about now, while Itachi was reading a book beside a bed-ridden Sasuke, Fugaka was at work and Mikoto was out with her book club.

"I don't like that story! I've heard it too many times!" whined Sasuke, who was still able to complain despite the high fever.

Itachi sighed. It seemed like the tragic story of Bambi didn't pull at Sasuke's heartstrings anymore. And he's just gotten to the part where the poor deer's mother had been shot!

"Then what story would you like to listen to, Sasuke?"

There was that feeling again. The feeling Itachi had come accustomed to when Sasuke was about to ask a question that would ruin the rest of his day. It was like time would slow down as Itachi could hear the universe laughing at him for what was to come. Sasuke would open his mouth and ask whatever was on his mind and Itachi's head would want to explode from the stress. Oh look, there he goes now.

"Can you just make up a story for me?"

Did Itachi look like Robert Munch?

"No."

It was horrible and he could try ignoring it, but ultimately, there was nothing to stop it. For one thing, the universe was too powerful and Itachi wouldn't be able to escape its torture until the Gods decided to screw with someone else. Second of all, Sasuke was too cute for his own good. The younger Uchiha was up to his neck in thick Power Ranger blankets. His cheeks were burning red due to the fever and at Itachi's refusal; he was sporting the most adorable pout. The sight made Itachi repress a much needed _Awwww! _and the boy caved.

"There once was a young girl with flowing red hair that lived in the ocean who loved to sing-"

"Itachi," interjected Sasuke. "You're just retelling The Little Mermaid."

If Itachi's imagination was food his brain would be anorexic and on the verge of death.

"Besides, I don't want to hear some mushy _girl_ story about _love_! Yuck!"

_Little brother, you've never seen the Disney movie for the Little Mermaid. Ariel was hot._

"Fine," said Itachi. "Then what do you want to hear?"

"I want action and adventure and _ninjas_!"

Itachi was going to ask why Sasuke insisted that every topic had to be about ninjas (when Sasuke's whole life was going to revolve around _actually being one_ in the future) when he realized he could just base the story on one of his past missions.

It was safe to say that Itachi started his story off strong without any of the clichéd beginnings such as "Once upon a time" or "In a land far, far away". He went into great detail about how there was a prestigious clan with an ancient history that bred the finest shinobi possible to protect the village from invading foreigners. From this prestigious clan there came the most talented ninja that the village had ever seen. He was not a mere genius, he was better than that! He was cunning, he was fast, he was the perfect leader and lead his comrades into dangerous missions without any casualties, except for the enemies who were swiftly taken care of if they dared got in his way.

But the most impressive aspect about this inspirational ninja was that he was a adolescent! He could activate his kekkai genkai before any of his classmates could read, upgraded to a team before he even hit puberty and promoted to a leader _just as_ he hit puberty. Yes, the story of this young man was truly great but no one, not even his family, knew how lonely it was to be at the top.

He was constantly away on missions that men twice his age had to handle and the pressure of succeeding every mission appointed to him was giving him anxiety. His peers only referred to his abilities and not the person that he was. His mother only tended to the needs of his younger sibling, who he loved dearly, because she, like everyone else, forgot that he wasn't an adult. And his father was strict and unconsciously pushed him to uphold the name of the entire clan, creating further distance in their already distant relationship.

The young man was a genius but a sad one too.

"…arrived at village and firmly ignored all of the females' incessant wooing to be greeted by the warm smile of his younger brother. And it was because of his young brother's company that he was ever happy and went along with his duties. The end."

Itachi sighed. His story was done and quite refreshing as it acted as a stress reliever for what he was feeling the past couple of years.

"So Sasuke, what did you think?"

Itachi glanced at his brother for the very first time since he started his story to see that Sasuke was sound asleep and didn't hear a single word.

.

..

…

Mother F*****!

Itachi sighed, which he found himself doing frequently since he started spending quality time with Sasuke, before he realized that maybe it was for the best. Sasuke was young and didn't need to hear Itachi's problems. Children always found a reason to blame themselves for the discomforts of another person and Itachi refused to burden Sasuke.

Checking his temperature, Itachi found that Sasuke's fever had gone down significantly. The younger Uchiha's snores drawled with every exhale and Itachi couldn't help but feel a little envious. It had been a long time since he'd been so calm and relaxed.

"Itachi…" Itachi's ears perked up as his brother was mumbling his name in his sleep. "Tell me…a story…"

_Even when he's unconscious he's still demanding to hear more fairy tales!_

Sighing for the umpteenth time, Itachi decided to put in a movie so the voices of the cartoon characters could replace his own. His throat was sore from talking so much since he wasn't used to speaking more than a couple of sentences at once.

He rummaged through a bin of old movies on VHS (their family was always busy so they never felt the need to upgrade to better technology) and randomly put it into Sasuke's VCR (Sasuke was a pimped out five year old with a television set in his bedroom) before leaving the room.

Itachi redid his nails, adding on a top coat to avoid a repeat of before, and prepared some food for Sasuke when he woke up from his nap. He was tasting some soup when he heard screaming coming from his brother's bedroom. Oddly enough, it wasn't Sasuke's voice. There were multiple voices screaming.

After turning off the stove, Itachi entered Sasuke's bedroom with the air of an overprotective brother and opened the door. The first thing Itachi saw was his brother with his head under the covers as he shook. As another loud scream erupted, Itachi turned his head towards the television screen.

There was a woman being bitten on the arm from some sort of deformed monster.

_That's not the movie I was expecting _thought Itachi.

He rummaged through the bin of VHS movies again until he found the cover of movie that had fallen off, hidden under the other movies.

The title was in red in a dripping font that read, "_DEMONS 2: NIGHTMARE PARTY"_

"Oh no…" said Itachi, turning the cover over so he could read the summary of the movie.

"_A group of unsuspecting houseguests are invited to their friend's birthday party unaware that right above her apartment is a mad scientist working on a deadly experiment that was left mysteriously unfinished by a coworker. The experiment leaks through the cracks of the floor and into the food of the party below, infecting anyone who ingests it, turning them into a flesh-eating demon. The night is filled with terror as the guests run for their lives…if they can avoid the other people living in the apartment building who get bitten. Who ever said that you couldn't have your cake and eat it too knew something that we didn't."_

Itachi turned off the television just before another party guest was devoured and destroyed the VHS movie.

"Sasuke, are you alright?" he asked, pulling down the Power Rangers blanket from his brother's head. He didn't even have to ask. Sasuke was really shaken up.

_I'm really going to pay for this, aren't I?_

For scarring your five year old brother? Yes, Itachi, yes you were.

* * *

That night, Itachi was reminded of his stupidity (after all, who lets a child watch a movie before checking the content or movie rating?) when Sasuke kicked him in the stomach as he slept.

Itachi would be sharing a bed with his little brother until Sasuke got over the fear of demons.

And Itachi suspected that that wouldn't be for a long, long time.

* * *

**ClockRepair Message: **I apologize for the delayed update and how the story was all over the place. The next chapter won't take as long! And I'm pretty sure that Sasuke did have a TV in his room. I just don't know if he had one that young.


	6. The Little Rascals

There was only one word to accurately describe the type of person Itachi had become ever since his "grounding" from missions. That word was _whipped_ and Itachi was whipped in more ways than one.

There was the conventional way where a person, most likely male, was being completely controlled by their significant other, most likely the overbearing girlfriend, to the point of public embarrassment. To everyone's knowledge, Itachi didn't have a girlfriend or interest in any girl at the moment (there was a bet going around that the powerhouse and pride of the Uchiha clan was gay) so it was obvious that the person bossing around the infamous shinobi was his little brother, which made the situation all that more pathetic.

Sasuke's short leash on his brother was actually the reason why the two brothers were spending their Sunday afternoon in a park. At first, Itachi shot down the request with a firm, "No" but Sasuke wasn't about to give up so easily. He tried looking cute and he tried pouting but in the end it was the puppy dog eyes that did the trick. Initially, Sasuke thought it was a weak move when he saw a girl do it to Iruka-sensei but now Sasuke deemed it Itachi worthy, especially since his elder brother wasn't totally immune to its affects just yet.

Itachi didn't know how it happened so quickly. One moment he was in the privacy of his home staring into those sad, pleading eyes of his brother. The next, Sasuke was running around the park while Itachi was sitting awkwardly on a bench trying to simultaneously supervise the energetic five year old _and_ ignore the disapproving glares of the elderly woman beside him.

He really had to get a backbone if he was spending anymore quality time with Sasuke.

Reason two as to why Itachi whipped: since he and Sasuke were sharing a bed from the scary movie incident, Itachi had been getting regular beatings. Sasuke had a strange habit of turning in his sleep and flailing his limbs around, which hit Itachi that majority of the time. Itachi could deal with the matter, being an Anbu captain and all, catching Sasuke's arms and legs before they collided into his torso were no challenge. But two weeks of sleep deprivation withered even the best of ninjas to less than stellar capabilities. In short, Itachi had a lot of bumps and bruises and even a scratch over his wrist from a particular night where Sauske had refused to cut his fingernails. The next day was a different story when Itachi pinned his brother to the floor and cut his brother's fingernails (and toenails just to be safe) himself.

_I can't believe I woke up at 4 AM to find his ankle on my neck! What kind of ninja or normal person tosses and turns in their sleep? _Thought Itachi, when he felt another bad vibe coming from the hag beside him. _What is her problem? If she feels this uncomfortable sitting beside me than she should locate another seat. _

It wasn't until Itachi scratched his neck that he discovered he had a dark bruise on his collarbone, courtesy of his younger brother, to realize the old hag was giving him dirty looks because his bruise probably resembled a hickey.

All of Itachi's thought were unusually incoherent as it dawned on him that he'd been walking around the village the entire morning with his neck exposed.

An individual didn't have to be a ninja to pick up the negative vibes emitting from the young teen. The pressure was so strong it sent the elderly woman running for the hills, despite her recent hip replacement. Even the birds that the woman was feeding had flown away from his dark aura.

Itachi was quickly left alone with his murderous thoughts. Most of which ran along the lines of _SASUKE!_

* * *

Sasuke stopped running abruptly and looked over to where Itachi was sitting.

Itachi was in the same spot he'd been since the two had arrived and didn't seem to be doing anything, but Sasuke could've sworn that he heard him call his name. He shrugged it off, but noted that his brother seemed to be brooding more than usual.

_Foolish older brother _thought Sasuke with an adorable shake of his head, unknowingly giving female kindergarteners small heart attacks. Did the wind just have to play with his hair like that? _You should really get out more or else people will be afraid to talk to you. Or think you're really weird. How else do you expect to be cool like me?_

Uh-oh. Look liked Sasuke's arrogance started from a young age.

Sasuke could only stare at his brother for too long before his short attention span got the best of him (because really, what five year old doesn't have a mild case of A.D.D?) and ran over to the swings. He stopped running half way there, remembering that running like a maniac wasn't "cool" and strutted like a pimp the rest of the way instead.

Because no one else could rule over the playground like Sasuke Uchiha.

* * *

_Calming breaths _Itachi reminded himself. _A ninja must always stay level-headed. Inhale…exhale…inhale…exhale…good. I think I'm starting to calm down._

Itachi might have achieved inner peace but from the outside, he still looked pretty livid. His fists were clenched so hard that his knuckles had turned white (well, _whiter_) and the tomoe of his Sharingan were spinning madly. It was a wonder that would approach him let alone sit next to him. But then again…

"I'm so glad I found a seat!"

Some people were just senseless.

Judging from the high-pitched voice, Itachi figured the person was female and prayed that it wasn't one of his fan girls. He took a side-glance to see that the person was older than he'd originally thought, probably in her early to late twenties, and continued to pray that she wasn't one of his fan girls. After all, his fan base came in every size, shape, and age imaginable and the village didn't have much authority over excessively affectionate cougars. Yet.

_I bet that in ten years my same fan girls will be chasing after my brother…_ It really disgusted Itachi that what he was thinking was probably correct. _Sasuke, in the future I hope you never associate with anyone who is twice your age. If all they want is your body, you know it's a red flag and you should just get the hell out._

Itachi was contemplating if he should actually verbalize his thoughts to Sasuke. After much thought he decided against it. Little kids were way too curious and Itachi couldn't handle explaining to his innocent brother exactly why he should stay away from those people...

"So who are you babysitting?" asked the lady.

Silence.

Itachi turned his head to look at the woman and saw that she was looking back. She was expecting a reply. From him?

Now that Itachi had a good look of her, she didn't appear to be the stereotypical fan. And yes, there was a certain look to Itachi's followers. They were usually teenage girls (with the occasional dude) with made-up hair, copious amounts of make-up and seemed to have a dress code about wearing tiny articles of clothing. And yes, this was including the occasional dude. On the other hand, this lady had her brown hair up in a ponytail, wore no make-up and was wearing modest clothing.

By this time, Itachi had deactivated his Sharingan and figured he should respond to her question, especially since there was no one else around to reply.

"My brother."

"Yeah, I guessed that. You're way too young to have a kid!" she laughed a bit before going on. "So which one of the crazy gremlins is he? My little Aina is the one in the sandbox wearing the green dress."

Itachi briefly took the time to look for the girl and spotted her in the far corner of the sandbox. Eating the sand. He refrained from making any comments since it really wasn't his concern. Then he scanned the area for his brother. It didn't take long. Itachi could recognize his brother's duck-butt hair anywhere.

"Sasuke's the one on the swing."

"You mean the boy who can barely get off the ground?"

Itachi looked back at Sasuke to see the boy spazzing out as he struggled to make the swing move. The sight made Itachi want to chuckle but years of holding back his emotions (thanks to the emotional constipation of his family) he made due with a monotone, "Yes that is him."

The thirteen year old tried, he really did, but the poor sap would always be socially inept.

Itachi managed to have a brief conversation with the woman. The topics of their chat were casual and mostly consisted of the difficulties of looking after children (Itachi surprisingly had a _lot_ to contribute), the Konoha weather (warm with low humidity) and comments on how weird some of the kids in the park could be (there was a particular pair of boys who were giving them the stink-eye). Itachi even asked the women for her name, which was Ayu, like a normal person! He hadn't been able to do that in a while unless you count Anbu intimidation/torture methods to get information out of spies. Most people wouldn't.

It wasn't long before their talk ended when loud cries erupted from the sandbox and Ayu's motherly instincts kicked in. She apologized for cutting their conversation short and mentioned that would be nice if it were possible to meet up with him and his brother some other time.

And there wasn't any sign of a pick-up line in her voice when she had said it.

He agreed and felt a small pang of guilt for not telling her earlier about her daughter's snack in the sandbox.

When she left, Itachi thought how refreshing it was to have someone to talk to (even if they had to do most of the talking). It was even better when the person had no idea about Itachi's identity or the role he had as a ninja. If the villagers were as clueless as Ayu, then maybe he could put in some effort and stop being such a hermit. Maybe.

Itachi's thoughts were interrupted when the pair of boys who were giving him and Ayu funny looks came over. They couldn't have been older than sixteen and they were oddly starry-eyed. It was the look of…admiration?

_Great. Now what's going to happen? _He thought wearily as he sighed. He hadn't kicked the habit yet.

"Dude, teach us!" the scruffy looking one exclaimed.

Before Itachi could get a word in, the other guy beat him to the punch. "Teach us how to pick up MILFs!"

…_what?_

Itachi was so disturbed by the two boys and their request that he momentarily took his eyes off of Sasuke. And many things can occur to a child when no one's watching…

* * *

Any kid would be frightened if they were suddenly dragged behind some shrubbery. But not Sasuke. He was more confused than anything.

"You guys," he said slowly, dragging on each syllable. "Why did you pull me over here?"

Sasuke had gotten off the swings after he was sure that the stay-at-home moms were laughing at him. He decided that playing in the sandbox would be more suitable and wouldn't bruise his ego. There he met a girl who asked him to play named Aiko or Akira or something. He couldn't really remember. Before his brain could register what was happening, his classmates appeared out of no where, declared a "Manly Man's meeting" and dragged him behind the bushes, leaving Aiko/Akira/something to cry from rejection.

About twelve eyes blinked back at Sasuke.

"Sasuke Uchiha, as the head of the Manly Man Association, we the council, find you guilty for betraying the brotherhood for the following charges: showing kindness to _girls_," he said the word girl with utter disgust while the other kids shook their head sin agreement. "showing patience to _girls_, receiving presents from _girls_, being in the presence of _girls_ without feeling sickened and now the Association has caught you as you were about _to play_ _with a girl_!"

Were they serious?

"Are you serious?" asked Sasuke. He was just doing what his mommy told him to!

The leader pressed the situation further. "What do we think of the traitor, men?"

"Guilty!"

"Guilty!"

"Guilty!"

"What do you think Uh-Huh? Is he guilty?" asked some kid in the back.

"Uh-huh!" answered Uh-huh.

"So I'm going to be punished for not hating girls?" Sasuke took the round of cheering as a yes. "Girls are kind of annoying but they're not that bad."

Oh Sasuke, it was clear that you thought this way before the fans did more than follow you around.

The group of six gasped. "How can you say that?"

"But what's so different between boys and girls?"

"Girls are icky and we're not."

"Girls love the color pink!"

"Girls talk all the time!"

"And they have _boobs_!"

"But so does the old, fat man over there!" Sasuke rebutted. It was weird how he was the voice of reason when things got stupid.

Sasuke's argument in the matter had the Manly Man Association in panic. What if they were no different from g-g-_girls_!

"We're going to have them too?"

"When do we get them?"

Hmm, now Sasuke was curious too. "Let's go ask my big brother!"

* * *

"What's a MILF?"

The two boys (Itachi dubbed them Scruffy and Other Guy) were obviously thrown back by Itachi's naviety. Time to educate the recluse with the language of horny suburban teenage boys!

Scruffy proclaimed loudly and proudly, "MILF stands for Mother I'd Like to F*ck!"

Itachi had Scruffy's collar in his fist in less than a second. His black eyes swirled into the familiar crimson as he growled, "And what exactly did you want me to teach you?"

"Hey man, just let go!" Other Guy was trying to get Itachi to let go before he choked his best friend. "We just want to know how you manage to pick up hot older women! We saw you talking to that chick and we were like, 'Whoa, that dude has some skill!'"

"You even have the hickey to prove it!" chocked out Scruffy, who was rewarded with another strangle.

"Duuude! High five!"

Itachi didn't have time for this.

1.) He had two weeks of sleep to catch up on and he was beginning to feel the effects of fatigue

2.) He was dragged to a park on a perfectly good Sunday afternoon

3.) Some grandma thought he was a sexual deviant who showed off his love bites

4.) He had to talk to somebody

5.) Other: which includes every horrible moment he had endured in the past month with his brother

And now these guys!

Itachi closed his eyes and began to take deep calming breaths again. The sounds of Scruffy's wheezing for air were just the soundtrack to Itachi's way to nirvana.

Itachi let go of the boy just as his face went blue and was about to fall unconscious.

"Listen, I've had a hard month - no scratch that last comment - I've had a hard _life_. So I'm letting you two off with a warning and I expect you to leave me and any female in a ten meter radius _alone_. I have other problems to handle."

Since Other Guy was the only one of the two with enough oxygen circulating through his body, he spoke up. "Like what other problems?"

On cue, Itachi's problem came. And multiplied so there were six other brats.

"Big brother, when will I get boobs?"

"… … …" Other guy didn't say anything. He got his answer.

Itachi poked Sasuke in the forehead before scooping him up in his arms and heading back home.

"In time Sasuke, in time."

Itachi figured Sasuke would learn the truth later on.

* * *

**ClockRepair Message: **I am deeply sorry for the super late update. There were a ton of problems that built up and got in the way (including a concussion and the computer being attacked by viruses before I could save anything). The next chapter will be the last since, if you've been reading each chapter very carefully, the weeks have been flying by for Itachi and Sasuke. I actually think Itachi has been "grounded" for more than a month. Also, I want to wrap up the series before the summer ends. I'm going to be a senior and I don't know how much time it will leave for writing. Thanks for all of you who've enjoyed the story. You guys were the only thing that kept me going. Hope I didn't disappoint!

Oh yeah, please don't flame me about Ayu. She's not a Mary-Sue and Itachi is not in love with her. I just needed something to get the chapter going. Although I do notice that the chapter is a tad confusing as it switches back and forth from Itachi's point of view to Sasuke's. Plus, Itachi has A LOT of people coming up to him. Oh well. And did anyone get the Little Rascals reference? I think that movie is cute and thought some of the ideas were perfect for this chapter.


	7. The End to It All

The Hokage took a long drag out of his pipe as he watched the sunrise. It had been a hectic month and he treasured the brief moment of peace and quiet because it wouldn't be long before

_someone_ messed it up for him. Most likely Ebisu, that crazy drama queen.

The Third sat down at his desk when he spotted a calendar hanging on the adjacent wall. Today's date had been circled in various pens but he didn't know why. He recalled all of the important dates coming up but couldn't remember anything significant about today.

He took another drag of his pipe and exhaled the smoke before asking himself, "Am I missing something?"

* * *

Itachi managed to squeeze in a couple of hours of sleep before he was woken up by the usual: a foot in his face.

His eyes shot open and travelled downwards to see the damn appendage resting almost too comfortably on his lips. Staring at it made him see red - although he wasn't entirely sure if that was just the Sharingan, the Kekkei Genkai had a mind of its own sometimes – and slightly cross-eyed.

After the viewing of Demons 2, Sasuke was convinced that he wouldn't be able to sleep without his older brother at his side. The sentiment was sweet but Itachi needed his privacy. He was already devoting his days to the little monster and now his nights too? There _was_ such a thing as spending too much time with someone, especially when they were abusing you. On certain occasions Itachi tried dividing the bed with pillows but Sasuke rolled over in his sleep and just slept on Itachi.

_Kami, I hope Sasuke remembers to scrub his feet while bathing…_thought Itachi, his comment teetering on the borderline of a silent plea to the Gods. _My mouth is not a foot stool!_

As if Sasuke had unconsciously heard his big brother's mind, he removed his foot from Itachi's lips and promptly moved it upwards, kicking his nose. Itachi's face was normally a passive mask but he let it break as his eyes twitched at the foreign feeling of his sibling's pinky toe going up his nostril. Before he could react Sasuke gave another kick forcing Itachi off the bed.

_Well, since I'm already up…_Itachi made his way to the door and through the hallway without waking up Sasuke in the most cunning way! He walked.

_Lately it seems like the only advantage of being a shinobi is being able to sneak around without having to walk on the tips of my toes. I am not a ballerina. Although leotards would be a nice change to all of the mesh we shinobi have to wear. _Itachi was outside the bathroom with his hand on the handle when he just stopped moving. _First the nail polish and now leotards? Am I turning effeminate? _

"Big brother, what are you doing?" a sleepy voice asked.

Sasuke was rubbing his tired eyes with the back of his hands, the blanket from the bed wrapped around his body. A result from all the twisting and turning in his sleep no doubt. He looked even more adorable than usual and Itachi wondered how on Earth that was even possible.

"Sasuke, go back to bed. It's still too early for you to be awake."

"But I woke up and you weren't there."

If there was any other person in that hallway they would haven been suffocated from all of the little hearts flying around.

"Fine. Do want to come in with me?" Sasuke nodded yes. "Alright then."

Itachi picked up Sasuke, the little Uchiha's head resting on the shoulder of his brother, and they both went into the bathroom.

Sasuke climbed onto a step stool so he and Itachi could stand side by side as they stood in front of the mirror. Itachi noted that they had impeccable timing when they picked up the toothbrush, put on the toothpaste and began brushing their teeth at the exact same time. He would have been more impressed if their timing didn't remind him of the blond twins who were terrorizing Sasuke at The Academy. Those two kids were completely in sync in movement, speech and probably thought. It was weird.

Itachi was still brushing when Sasuke had already finished rinsing his mouth. The elder sibling obviously took oral hygiene seriously. But Sasuke was young so with all that waiting (exactly one minute had passed), his mind began to wonder.

Itachi was wiping his mouth when he caught his brother's eye. "Is there something wrong, Sasuke?"

"Aren't you going to shave like father does in the morning?"

"No, I have no need to. I have no facial hair," Itachi said bluntly, making a grab for some floss. His morning routine consisted of brushing his teeth, flossing in case he missed any food and, if that wasn't enough, he still had to use his tongue scraper and mouth wash.

"Why not?"

"I haven't gone through the physical stages of puberty yet." _And I don't think I want to. For a thirteen year old my voice is already deep enough to scare little kids._

"What happens when you go through puberty again?" Sasuke remembered segments of their conversation about love and puberty but his memory was foggy.

Itachi took his time flossing his molars. After a month of torturous questions that lead to his misguided adventures, Itachi finally realized the problem: it was him. He chose to answer Sasuke's questions without explaining anything which pushed his little brother to ask even more. Now, he knew what to do.

"Well," he began. "What happens is-"

Not a single word was coherent as Itachi spoke while using his tongue scraper. Sasuke wanted him to repeat himself but Itachi was gargling his mouth wash. When he spat it out, Itachi pushed Sasuke out of the bathroom before making up an excuse about using the toilet.

That was Itachi's solution: not saying anything at all.

It was rather efficient.

* * *

The Hokage was having a slow day. A good amount of the Genin, Chuunin, and Jounin teams were out on missions and Ebisu had left early for a doctor's check-up. At this point The Hokage was praying for some sort of catastrophe to occur. Nothing that would destroy the village or put people in harm's way of course, just something to entertain him for the time being. At least his lackluster day gave him plenty of free time to think about the importance of today's date.

The image of a person bursting randomly into his office came to him but a lot of people did that. He leaned back in his chair with his feet propped up on his desk in an undignified manner and sighed.

"Nope. Still don't have a clue."

* * *

For anyone walking aimlessly through the forest near the Uchiha compound was walking into their imminent death. In other words, Sasuke was practicing his aim by throwing projectiles at a log and not all of them had hit the intended target.

"Sasuke, remember to keep your fingers closer together on the handle," advised Itachi.

The next kunai Sasuke had thrown sailed through the air and hit the log dead center. It made Itachi proud to see his little brother improving. Sasuke was going to be a fine ninja when he was older. He was already grasping the basic skills with dead-on precision (if he remembered not to spread his fingers too much) and had the work ethic to match.

_His enthusiasm reminds me of Gai-sensei only without the bushy eyebrows, tacky outfits and loud declarations of youth. Okay, so he's nothing like Gai-sensei…_thought Itachi. But now he had his mind wrapped around the idea of his younger sibling on a team with the Green Beast and were disturbed by the mental images. Sasuke growing out his eyebrows and running around in a green spandex jumpsuit? How horrid!

"Sasuke, come here!" hollered Itachi.

Sasuke's eyes narrowed as he looked over at Itachi. "Are you going to poke my forehead like you always do?"

Itachi shook his head and Sasuke began walking up to his brother cautiously. When the older boy brought his arms up, Sasuke covered his head protectively only to find his brother embracing him in a tight hug. Sasuke was surprised. His brother wasn't the type of person to show affection. That was something that their father referred to as weak (which was why Sasuke felt so badass every time he got a hug from his mother).

"Itachi, what's the matter?"

"Tell me little brother; you'd never don green spandex would you?" The urgency in Itachi's voice was downright hilarious. Sasuke stared at him like he grew a second head and shook his head no.

"What about orange leg warmers? Excess facial hair of the eyebrow variety? Running into sunsets?"

Sasuke pulled away and for the first time in his short life, thought his brother was just a tad loopy. Itachi kept babbling on about Sasuke's opinion on Gai-sensei's fashion sense when he finally shut up.

Itachi walked a bit too far on his left when Sasuke threw another kunai, spreading his fingers on the handle at the last minute as it was released. The kunai had hit Itachi.

On his right buttock.

* * *

Birds had flown away in panic when a loud noise erupted from the Hokage Tower. The faculty was standing still trying to register what they heard, replaying the phrase back in their minds.

"_Holy shit_! Where's Itachi!"

Did the Third Hokage just swear?

* * *

When the two brothers walked into the village, Itachi had been feeling fine despite his flesh wound. Sasuke felt guilty as it was – you try to imagine injuring your role model! – so Itachi took him to a small restaurant in an attempt to cheer him up. They had just gotten their food when Itachi shifted in his seat slightly and felt his lower half was stinging…and wet?

Itachi was pretty sure he didn't have bladder control issues, or getting his period so he knew something wasn't right.

"Sasuke, I have to use the restroom. Don't leave the table until I come back. Remember the rule: stranger danger."

His brother rolled his eyes. "I know."

It seemed like he'd been told this before. Mikoto _did_ do a better job raising Sasuke then she did him. If only he had received that information when he was young…

Goddamnit! Why did _he_ have to be the first child?

In the privacy of the room, he pulled down the back of his pants to inspect the damage.

His face went pale. The cut was deep and bleeding. Itachi could hardly believe he didn't notice the blood running down his leg.

_It doesn't even look like a cut; it looked like he pinned me down and stabbed the damn thing into my bottom! I don't know if I should feel stupid for walking into it, or proud for the brutality!_

His rant was cut short when a female employee walked in on him. In his haste he had forgotten to lock the door. Sasuke was making him a sloppy ninja.

"OhmyGodohmyGod, I'msosorry!" she said super-fast as her face went red with embarrassment. She lost grip of the mop in surprise and it knocked over he bucket of soapy water. Then her gaze went down south. "Oh my God your butt is bleeding!"

And then she fainted.

From all of the commotion the manager of the restaurant came in to see an unconscious female employee, Itachi pulling his pants back up and a mess on the floor.

It took a lot of persuading on Itachi's part to convince the manager that he _did not_ sexually assault his daughter and _was not_ a pervert. It wasn't until the girl woke up before Itachi could go back to his seat. As an apology, the manager gave him free dessert as well as gauze (for the injury) and ice (for the soreness).

"Itachi, how long does it take you to go potty?" Sasuke asked impatiently, arms crossed over his chest. "You took forever this morning too!"

_That's because I was hoping you wouldn't ask me anything pertaining to the topic of puberty if I took my time. _To avoid informing Sasuke about his "bathroom complication" Itachi bit off more of his meal than he could chew.

_Knowing you little brother, you would ask me what sexual assault is and I am not going there._

* * *

All day people in the Hokage Tower were trying to find Itachi's whereabouts. Shishui was the only one with enough common sense to leave the building.

_Did anyone think about going to the Uchiha compound and asking for him themselves?_ He thought, as he made his way there.

* * *

After Sasuke had taken his bath and was in a new change of clothes, Itachi gathered his brother's discarded clothing and began to fold them. Turning Sasuke's shorts inside-out, a coin fell out of one of the pockets. Upon further inspection, Itachi saw that both pockets were bulging with coins and rolls of money. There must've been enough money to buy a new television set! When questioned about his brother's newfound wealth, Itachi was highly appalled when Sasuke explained that some girls back at the restaurant had paid him for Itachi's used napkins and uneaten food while he went off to pay the bill.

_Fan girls are crazy…_thought Itachi before his train of thought turned to another more concerning topic. _And did Sasuke, my little brother, my flesh and blood, sell me out? _

Itachi was about to scold him but chose not to. For one, Sasuke earned money for the scraps Itachi was going to throw out. It wasn't anything important like his equipment or underwear. Second of all, Itachi couldn't yell at that face. It was too cute, and his younger brother resembled their mother. And who could yell at their mother? Instead, Itachi opted for a stern, "Don't do that again." And just left it at that.

When Shishui arrived at the compound he got to witness a hilarious sight as Itachi was lying on his stomach with a pack of ice being held against his bottom.

"Um…Itachi? Your month of relaxation is up. They want you to come back to work but…" He pointed his finger in the direction of Itachi's bottom and was trying to repress his laugh. "What happened to you?"

* * *

"Did all that actually happen or are you just pulling my leg?" Shishui knew that Itachi wasn't one to joke but was skeptical about his friend's recap.

Itachi sent him a dirty look that said, "When do I ever exaggerate about anything?"

Shishui let out a whistle. "Wow, I can't believe you just went along with it. I would have ditched you a while ago if you ever did that to me. By the way, if you're wondering what day of misfortune was my favorite, it's a tie between Sasuke pouncing on your dinner and the kids asking you for dating tips. The pop-up book is a close second though."

Itachi shuddered on the inside. He was ready to change the topic to something a bit more professional. He'd been gone a full month and needed to be updated on the village's news.

"What have I missed during my absence?"

Shishui gave him a look of mild shock.

"You mean Fugaka didn't tell you?" When Itachi told him no, Shishui sighed. "You know there's been a lot of tension between the clan and the village. The clan thinking that we're being controlled and whatnot? It's hard to say what's going to happen in the near future but an uprising is most likely to occur."

Suddenly, Itachi felt selfish for enjoying the "vacation" he had and spending time with his brother while their clan was planning to revolt against the village. The tension had always been there. He could feel it. He grew up with it. He considered it normal. But lately it's just been growing, growing more intense. He just didn't notice it since there's always been some sort of issue and, after a while, they just started to blur in his mind. He couldn't even specify what sort of injustice had irked an Uchiha Clan member anymore.

"Hey, what's with the grim face?" asked Shishui. "With you on our side, there's no stopping the Uchihas!"

_Shishui, your loyalty to clan is unmatched by any other _thought Itachi sadly. _But even you refer to me as the clan's tool…_

"Now Shishui, don't make me do something you'll regret."

"Like what?" he chuckled.

"Like drown you," Itachi said.

Shishui shrugged off the comment as a joke but Itachi knew the words had a deeper meaning than his friend could ever imagine. So deep in fact, that the thirteen year old Uchiha felt like they were weighing him down as he and his best friend walked closer and closer to the river.

_Sasuke, what ever happens, I swear that you won't be caught in the middle of this..._

* * *

**ClockRepair Message:** I am so grateful for all of the reviews and support I had for this little one-shot that became a series. Thank you everyone and I hope I didn't disappoint with the ending. Sad endings aren't my thing but I couldn't look over the fact that the massacre was not too far along.


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